I have been thinking about writing this blog post for a while now. Although I would like to report back that everything here is full of sunshine and rainbows, I cannot. Instead, Senegal and my site placement are starting to feel real and raw. This is actually happening. I am actually in Senegal for one year. During my transition to life here the last few weeks, I have felt a mix of emotions ranging from frustration to lonliness.
Whew! I know not what you expected for this post. That being said, I feel like I owe it to myself and to you, my readers, to be open and honest. Because that is what the real Young Adult in Global Mission (YAGM) experience is, leaning into vulnerability and discomfort in order to grow.
Within the last month I have been feeling kinda lost when it comes to this whole YAGM thing and my place in it. At work there isn’t much for me to do yet since most of my office went on vacation when I first arrived. Also, in my community, it has been difficult to figure out how to make friends since the African idea of relationships is vastly different than in America (see the book African Friends and Money Matters). With this ambiguity, I often wonder why has God called me here specifically? What am I here to give? And what am I here to learn? Right now, the vision is unclear.
In this confusion I have found myself looking to the other YAGMs experiences. Some are already leading seminars and teaching classrooms of happy children. Others are are sharing a pint with new friends or participating in youth groups. I wanted to be like them and have a clearer sense of purpose or, at least, regularly scheduled activities to participate in.
One day while scrolling through some YAGM blogs, looking longingly at these differences, I came across a quote that stopped me in my tracks. YAGM Ali (Central Europe) shared that when it came to her experience she tried to remember that “comparison is the thief of joy”. When I saw this something clicked for me. Yes, living in the ambiguity of my site placement is tough right now, but I am actually missing out on so much potential by dwelling on others experiences. What I need to do instead is take a moment everyday to practice gratitude and open myself to the plan God has for me, whatever that ends up being.
Before I left my mom told me, “God doesn’t call the qualified, he qualifies the called.” I wasn’t really sure what she meant by this before, but now I am beginning to understand the weight of the phrase. Perhaps my role in Senegal isn’t to accomplish a specific list of tasks, but instead is to just be present and simply “be” with my community. I need to be willing to be broken and remade by the power of God’s grace and love, despite how challenging it appears to be at the moment.
It is going to take some serious work on my part to get to this point of clarity. However, I don’t want to be robbed of my happiness anymore by dwelling on others experiences. Instead, I am actively choosing to refocus on gratitude and openness.
“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
Peace friends, and remember be kind to yourself and be kind to others.